7 Things that are wrong with Porn from a girl's POV

Ok, I really meant to keep this to myself but it's gotten to the point where I have to critically watch porn every time I get around to it. Trust me, "critically" and "porn" are two words I never thought I 'd put together in one sentence. So here, I'll share; I can't possibly be the only one who's noticed all of this:

1. The Broken Jerk Off - I see this happen WAY too often, and I'm sure you've noticed it too. This usually takes place when a girl is jacking off a man and as soon as she sees him cumming, she stops stroking before he is a quarter way done. For the love of God, keep stroking!!!! When his magic juice comes out , your job is to continue milking him for about 15 seconds until he lets out a heavy sigh, that's your sign right there that he is done. Don't just stop in the middle of his orgasm, that's the worst thing you can do to a man. It's simple cock science.
2. The Twister Effect - Do you really believe that doing a twister hand move on his shaft is going to bring a man more pleasure? Well think again because when I see a guy masturbating, I don't see him do the twister effect. That should give you a hint. Try sticking to the standard up and down hand movement while teasing his frenulum, it works every time.
3. Fuck Yeah! - I approve of dirty talk and I encourage it as long it is done with taste and class. If I hear the "Fuck Yeah" one more time, I think I'll get my clitoris cut off. Not only does it sound fake, but it also sounds more idiotic than the "ROFLMAO" trend.
4.  The Speedy Handjob - Another thing that bothers me is when I see porn stars jerking off their on screen partners at 150 mph. Your hand is not a speeding car, and his dick is certainly not a washing machine at the end of its cycle. Is it an orgasm you want him to have, or are you trying to set his cock on fire?
5. Genitalia Spitting - I understand that people spitting on each other's genitalia is visually arousing to some, but to my eyes, it's the grossest thing. And it's not the saliva itself that disgusts me, it's really the action of spitting that repulses me, whether it's on a penis or on a clit. From my own experience, men don't like their bj with too much saliva on it, simply because their penis becomes too lubricated and they can hardly feel anything.
6. Gargling - What happened to the good ol' sweet moaning sound that girls make when they give a blowjob? It seems to me that it's been replaced by a gargling sound that I can only describe as someone choking on a penis while using Listerine.
7. And last on the list ...*drum rolls*... It's the Blowjob Knockoff!!!!!! - I'm sorry but an orally ASSISTED hand job is not a bj. And if he is the one suddenly fucking your mouth or controlling your head movement, it's probably because you're doing it wrong. There should be no stroking while giving a bj, because that's cheating. And if it takes more time that way, well suck it up, literally.

So there, I said it!